A Letter to My Father



Brief memory: I don’t know if you can recall this day, but my mother had just dropped me off in front of Smith Elementary in Park Hill  when I was in fourth grade. As soon as she pulled off I remember you pulling up in your blue hatch back Lincoln, rolling the window down and saying, “Joe.” Upon seeing you, I was frightened. I ran down the street trying to catch my mother’s car but end up in the arms of a stranger and she calmed me down and walked me into school.

Your absence is felt well into adult-hood. I should probably go and talk to someone as to why our situation has such a hold on me. Maybe, it’s due to the fact that I don’t know you…well I mean I know you…but I don’t know you.
I barely learned when your birthday was a year ago, I don’t know your favorite food, favorite color, T.V. show, sport…. nothing.
 Maybe this is something you’ve never thought of? It wasn’t until recent that I began to think on these subjects. What was happening in your life that you couldn’t be there? I met my brothers last year and the first question I asked them was, “What was your relationship like with our father?” One replied, ”There wasn’t one, he would pick me up and drop me off (at other places) and I wouldn’t see him until it was time for me to go back home. The other, “Well imagine you’re 11 years old and one day your father decides to leave. Imagine how you’d feel.” I think the reality is we all hurt a little from your absence.


He passed away and I didn’t cry
Cause my anger wouldn’t let me cry for a stranger
They say I’m wrong and I’m heartless
But all along I was looking for a father he was gone

*Tupac-Dear Mama

Difference is, if I live to see the day that you no longer carry a spirit, I will cry. I’ll more than likely ball harder than I’ve ever done in my life simply because I love you. Always have. I don’t know If I can say I’ve actually experienced anger towards you. I want you to share your story with me before it’s too late. Tell me what you would’ve done differently. Even in your absence you were a great influence and I honor you for that.

Stay strong and I can’t to see you again and for you to meet your grandson.

Love you

10/4

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