Clarification of I

We have a moment in time, to see what could happen We have a chance to live with out a, "What-If?" We have a moment in time, knowing time will never return to us.

Deceit-The action or practice of deceiving someone by concealing or misrepresenting the truth. *Inhale* *Exhale* Beware of the wolf in sheep's clothing. I've been fooled by your guile, the craft in which you work evokes my mind. I've been warned of your actions by your past, yet I did not listen. Gullibly, I persuaded myself to think that you'd change. You present yourself as a smooth talker, portraying an image that is not of your own. You've driven me to have a cold unforgiving heart towards you. Yet I do my best not to soil your name among those we share commonalities with. After all I care about the way I present myself. You give little thought to that, having always been the fool. But stay woke Niggas creepin' They gon' find you Gon' catch you sleepin' (oh) Now stay woke Niggas creepin' Now don't you close your eyes *Childish Gambino-Redbone*

Brief memory: I don’t know if you can recall this day, but my mother had just dropped me off in front of Smith Elementary in Park Hill   when I was in fourth grade. As soon as she pulled off I remember you pulling up in your blue hatch back Lincoln, rolling the window down and saying, “Joe.” Upon seeing you, I was frightened. I ran down the street trying to catch my mother’s car but end up in the arms of a stranger and she calmed me down and walked me into school. Your absence is felt well into adult-hood. I should probably go and talk to someone as to why our situation has such a hold on me. Maybe, it’s due to the fact that I don’t know you…well I mean I know you…but I don’t know you. I barely learned when your birthday was a year ago, I don’t know your favorite food, favorite color, T.V. show, sport…. nothing.   Maybe this is something you’ve never thought of? It wasn’t until recent that I began to think on these subjects. What was happening in your

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.  Psalms 30:5  How many nights will I cry in silence? My pain feels the same in the morning. Nothing's changed, my mind is a full of chaos and clutter and I seek solace but comfort eludes me.  There's no escape.  There's even no peace to be found when I lay my head.  Dreams consume my peace of mind, afraid to sleep because I replay what happened over and over again. Constant nightmares bring me out of my sleep with tears among my face and fits of rage as I deal with the disbelief.  I slowly drown, I'm suffocated by my thoughts.  I feel there's nothing left inside me.  I collapse and call for help yet no one answers.  I'm alone.  The pain of reality. 

Absence of Affection **Love doesn’t hurt you. It’s the actions of others while under the guise of love that fucks you all up. ** We’re cold to one another, we anger easily, and we can barely communicate without an argument. We grow colder, we pull away from one another, we aren’t happy. Sure we’ve had great moments together. But the moments aren’t enough for affection to return. We’re absent and we’ve withdrawn. Shit that hurts. The complete nonexistence or lack of, that is the definition of Absence. There’s nothing there, it doesn’t exist. Not much beats the horrible feeling of picking up on absence of someone else. Especially if the absent one, is someone you love. “When love suddenly leaves it’s as though all the light in the world goes black and you’re left fumbling in the dark searching for a candle to shine on your heart.” -Johnny Ox    

I make plans without taking in to account the factors that life can throw at you. I seem too have this idea that there will be no hiccups while I'm given a pain free life and everything that I aspire to have.  Reality is shit doesn't work that way. Exciting moments happen in my life. It's not all pain and displeasure. I'm sure, there will come a time where I share with you things to make both you and I smile. But as of right now, I write to give me strength to carry on.