Clarification of I

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.  Psalms 30:5  How many nights will I cry in silence? My pain feels the same in the morning. Nothing's changed, my mind is a full of chaos and clutter and I seek solace but comfort eludes me.  There's no escape.  There's even no peace to be found when I lay my head.  Dreams consume my peace of mind, afraid to sleep because I replay what happened over and over again. Constant nightmares bring me out of my sleep with tears among my face and fits of rage as I deal with the disbelief.  I slowly drown, I'm suffocated by my thoughts.  I feel there's nothing left inside me.  I collapse and call for help yet no one answers.  I'm alone.  The pain of reality. 

Absence of Affection **Love doesn’t hurt you. It’s the actions of others while under the guise of love that fucks you all up. ** We’re cold to one another, we anger easily, and we can barely communicate without an argument. We grow colder, we pull away from one another, we aren’t happy. Sure we’ve had great moments together. But the moments aren’t enough for affection to return. We’re absent and we’ve withdrawn. Shit that hurts. The complete nonexistence or lack of, that is the definition of Absence. There’s nothing there, it doesn’t exist. Not much beats the horrible feeling of picking up on absence of someone else. Especially if the absent one, is someone you love. “When love suddenly leaves it’s as though all the light in the world goes black and you’re left fumbling in the dark searching for a candle to shine on your heart.” -Johnny Ox    

I make plans without taking in to account the factors that life can throw at you. I seem too have this idea that there will be no hiccups while I'm given a pain free life and everything that I aspire to have.  Reality is shit doesn't work that way. Exciting moments happen in my life. It's not all pain and displeasure. I'm sure, there will come a time where I share with you things to make both you and I smile. But as of right now, I write to give me strength to carry on.

49 shades of...We're more then what's presented on the outside. Ah I couldn't wait to get to you all today. I literally stayed up writing this from about 1AM until 3 thinking teetering back and forth between emotion and thoughts.  ***Oh,oh, oh (side note) listen to songs mentioned on here while reading!*** **Massive attack- Paradise Circus**  Become lost. Don't be afraid to let go of your grasp of reality, in moments you can afford to do so, (Mainly free-time at home. I tried this shit while driving almost crashed). It's disturbing to me the subconsocious restraints we continuously put on our minds. Living in our bubbles or the bubble that someone else has manufactured for us.

Good morning, afternoon, or evening based on your various geographic locations (I like to be inclusive after all we all are human). So, I spent last night mid-panic attack, slight heart palpitations, stressing about bringing you meaningful content and I basically have nothing. I ran ideas back and forth, I practiced content, I dialogued with myself (I do this often, I practice fake interviews in the mirror gotta be polished). While doing this, I realized I actually care about what I'm doing here. If you're going to give me your time I want to be of use to you. I want to relate and engage with an audience that will develop over time (as nothing happens over night). *In my Feels* *Turns on Wiz Khalifa's- Who I Am*  *hits metaphorical blunt* You know what fucks with me a lot? Heart break. Not necessarily in the sense of relationship conditional love (which is definitely what humans practice we keep "conditions" on everything if we didn't how would we set s...

Whether you stumbled upon this by accident or you purposely came here, I'd like to thank you. Judgment can and will be passed here, you'll probably read some things that make you laugh, cry, piss you off, or down right blow your mind. Clearly you don't know me, but know this, I keep my opinion and my mouth shut on most shit buttt I've been pretty fed up as of lately. We will dive into that later on! A little about me not to information much will be shared. Age? I don't have one.  Place of birth? Earth, Colorado, Denver. And that does it. Told you shit wasn't going to be in-depth when it comes to me giving up info about myself! I would say I'm fairly private in a sense unless you truly know me which is a hand full of people maybe like a legit 5 persons. Well until tomorrow or next week sometime in the mean time I'll be thinking of content to share with you all! Oh and just because I have muscles doesn't mean I don't have a heart or a sound...